


Where's My Love (malec)

by pynchmalecx



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Sad Magnus, missing alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 03:30:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16673851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pynchmalecx/pseuds/pynchmalecx
Summary: All Magnus wanted was to know where he was, how he was. Magnus wanted to be able to spend at least a second beside him. Magnus wanted to be able to get him back, he wanted to be happy again. Magnus wanted to know if Alec was at least alive. Where is Alec? Where has Alec been for all these years? Why did he disappear? What did they do to him?





	1. The day I've met you

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Where's My Love (malec)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/433906) by Pynchmalecx. 



 

 

Magnus was lying on his bed, he had his eyes glued to the ceiling and an old photograph in his hands. His eyes, as always, were red. The wall of his room was thin and he could hear the voices of Clary, Jace, Simon, Izzy, Ragnor and Catarina. He did not know what all of them were already doing there so early and also did not understand how they could be so noisy. His mind traveled, as it always did, and seconds later he found himself thinking, remembering everything again. Magnus returned in time, when everything was easy and happy.

 

**_10 YEARS AGO._ **

 

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!” Alec said as he lifted his books he'd knocked over.

“You want some help?” An unknown voice asked and without waiting for a answer he bent down to help, he took a book, the boy appeared to dislike it and took the book from Magnus's hand, unwittingly pulling a ring of it together.

"No." Alec said, he took the ring in his hand and grimaced staring at it and handing it back to the owner, then returned to try to balance thousands of books in his arms. "I do not want help."

“Okay” Magnus said staring at the ring back and putting it on his finger, he smiled and stood in front of Alec, just watching the boy suffer to balance all the books and notebooks in his arms. He, with a huge effort, put them all in his arms and rose from the ground, staring at Magnus confused.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked, a little arrogant, Magnus did not care for arrogance, he was tremendously lovely. He had a sparkle in his eyes, however much he tried to conceal with arrogance he seemed to be a very kind man.

"I'm watching you adorably refuse my offer to help you." Magnus replied, clearly flirting with him. The boy did not answer, he looked at him confused as if he thought someone thought he was adorable was the last thing that would happen. Magnus had even more sympathy for him. “What's your name?”

“Alexander, Alec Lightwood” He said simply, still wearing an arrogant face.

"I'm Magnus Bane, it's a pleasure to meet you, Alexander.” Magnus said with a smile, Alec looked at him with an even more intense gleam in his eyes, Magnus felt the air escape his lungs for a moment.

"I ..." Alec began to speak in bewilderment. “ I have to go, to ... um, to class.”

“Of course.” Magnus replied smiling, Alec opened a tiny smile on his lips and Magnus stared at him without any subtlety. "I have to go too, I'll see you around, Alexander.”

Alec shook his head positively and left, practically running away and away from Magnus, who gave a small smile as he walked with several books in his hands and entered a classroom.

Magnus walked to his classroom, it was his first year at that school, he was not sure where to go. He saw his friends in front of a room and knew it was where he should go.

“Good Morning.” Magnus said smiling, looking at his friend Ragnor, his friend Catarina, his adopted sister and best friend Clary and her best friend, Simon.

“Wait ... That was a smile, what happened to you?” Ragnor asked, clearly confused.

“Shut up.” Magnus replied, showing the middle finger without noticing that the smile was still on his face. "I ... I've met someone."

“Somebody else?” Simon said sarcastically. Magnus rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I mean, no. Well, he seems to be different.” Magnus said, completely confused.

"Does he have one less finger?" Ragnor asked sarcastically.

"No, he's just ... not like the people I've dated" Magnus replied.

"You really do seem to like him." Clary smiled. "Does he have a name?"

“Of course he does”. Magnus replied smiling to his sister. “Alexander Lightwood.”

Magnus heard a choking sound and looked at Simon, he seemed to have seen a ghost.

“Alec?” Simon asked. Magnus raised a confused eyebrow.

"Do you know him?"

"Me and Simon kind of ... we have a story with the other two Lightwoods.” Clary explained, entering the room and sitting in her chair.

"What kind of story?" Magnus asked, giving a mischievous grin.

"Exactly this kind of story." Clary spoke to him.

"Well, could you introduce me to them? So maybe I can get close to Alexander and meet him.”

"So ... that would be kind of difficult," Clary said.

“Why?” He asked.

"Because Isabelle kicked Simon's ass, and I kicked Jace's ass." Clary spoke with a cynical smile.

“Seriously?” Magnus asked irritably. “It have to be them? Did you have to reject and be rejected for them?”

"Well, it's not my fault if Isabelle does not like me or Clary is spoiled.” Simon said.

“Hey!” Clary scolded him. “Jace is an idiot, okay?”

"Give him one more chance.” Magnus asked, astonished at how much he really wanted that. “Please?”

“Magnus I do not think that I can help you ..."

"Pleaseeeee," Magnus whined. Clary rolled her eyes. "Do this for your dear brother?"

"Okay," Clary said irritably, opening a book as the professor entered the room.

"I love you, little sister," Magnus said, smiling and excited. Clary held out her middle finger.

 

_**NOW** _

 

“Magnus!” He heard a female scream and hands knocking on the door and rolled his eyes knowing it was his sister “Wake up!”

“5 minutes!” Magnus screamed back, wiping some tears that had automatically fallen from his face as he thought. He did not even have time to do anything beyond that. The door opened quickly and her sister, redheaded, low and always irritated, passed the door.

“Fuck five minutes!” Clary said. She closed the door behind her and looked at Magnus on the bed. "Get up, you have to go to work.”

“Clary ... I'm not exactly...”

"I do not care what you're not exactly," she said. "Well, that's not really true, that's exactly why I'm here. Get up or I'll throw water on you.”

"Clary, I don't want to. You know how hard it is for me to get out of bed every day.” Magnus said.

Clary sighed loudly and went to the windows, fully opening Magnus's curtains and almost blinding him.

“Arh! I hate you.” Magnus said angrily. Clary rolled her eyes and went to Magnus on the bed, removing his blanket and leaving it completely uncovered. “Clary!”

"I told you to get up." She said. “Now!”

"You know I'm the big brother, don't you?" Magnus asked.

"You know you don't act like one, do you?" She said sarcastically and smiling. Her hair looked even more reddish with sunlight and her eyes even greener. You could clearly see the sardines she had on her cheek, which Magnus found lovely.

"Clary, you know what I mean."

“Exactly!” She almost screamed. "And it's my job as your sister to make sure you don't hit rock bottom.That means, get you out of bed and make you have social relationships. You know that's what he'd want.”

Magnus felt his body shrink suddenly and his stomach clenched. Clary noticed the mistake.

“I'm sorry.” She said. “I shouldn't have talked about ... well, you know...”

“t's all right.” Magnus said. “I should apologize. If it was not for you I'd be at the bottom now.”

“I know.” Clary smiled. "I'm the best sister in the world.

Magnus smiled and got up to Clary and hugged her. She had to stand on tiptoe and still was difficult hugging him back, Magnus almost cried, feeling her arms around his shoulders. Magnus felt the familiar scent of roses coming from her and the sweet scent of her hair and he could not help a smile appearing on his lips.

“Enough of that.” She said. "My share of sentimentality is over today. Go shower because you stink.”

“No, I don't” Magnus said.

Clary winced.

“Yes you do" She said. Clary walked over to Magnus's wardrobe and picked up some clothes, throwing them to Magnus without looking. ”Wear this. Quick, you're late.”

“Spoiled” Magnus answered her.

“idiot”. She said, showing him the middle finger and walking out of Magnus's room, slamming the door hard. Magnus smiled, Clary was the best thing he had, the person who loved him the most, and who he loved most. There were few people Magnus loved on the same level as Clary, in fact, there was only one, but he was no longer present.

 

***

 

Clary closed the door behind her, she walked over to the table and took a deep breath, leaning her back on the kitchen. Jace walked over to her.

“Are you alright?” He asked, running his hands over his fiance's shoulders in a passionate affection.

Clary shook her head in denial, Jace sighed and pulled her into a hug. Clary gripped him tightly, feeling love and affection in Jace's touch, feeling her body and heart become more relaxed, just by having him there, by her side and supporting her. Jace has always been her source of strength, love and integrity.

"It's going to be all right," Jace said. "You know it will."

"No one really knows.” Clary spoke, still sad but more relieved.

"Magnus is destroyed, Jace.” She said. "I hate to see him like this, he's my brother, I suffer every day for seeing his condition. It's been five years, I do not know how long it will last. I try to be strong for him but I'm not even half of what I seem to be.”

"Hey, do not talk like that.” Jace said, he smiled sadly as well, completely defeated, but he smiled. Jace's right hand went to Clary's cheek. "You're the strongest person I know. You help Magnus on everything, stay strong for him and me too. All of us, all of us, Izzy, Simon, even Catarina and Ragnor can always count on you. We are all destroyed. He was ... he is my brother, I miss him every day and you ... you always help me to live with the pain. Just like you helps all of us. So don't think you're weak because you're not.”

Clary smiled, running her hand over Jace's face and wiping away a few tears he did not even know he had dropped.

“I love you, did you know that?” She said, with a calm, passionate smile on her face.

"Well, you're engaged to me.” He said sarcastically, she punched him in the shoulder. “I love you too, my little carrot.” Clary rolled her eyes with the stupid nickname, Jace pulled her by the waist and kissed her, feeling her whole body relax with the soft touch of his lips.

“Get a room!” Isabelle yelled from the couch. Clary and Jace laughed, coming to them calmly. Magnus left the room, all neat and clean.

"I really do not know why each of you has the key to my apartment. Magnus said, putting his briefcase on the coffee table.

"Well, you gave it to all of us.” Catarina simply said.

“Not me.” Simon said raising a key chain in his hand. “I had to steal.”

"You are impossible. Magnus said smiling, not laughing, just smiling. He'd barely laughed for the last five years, only with Clary. "What are you doing here? So early? Izzy, do you have any news?

The brunette lowered her head sadly.

“I'm so sorry.” She said. “No news.”

Magnus nodded quickly, his heart once again being torn apart.

“It's all right." No, it was not all right. It was all hell. The worst hell Magnus could imagine. “Well, I'm going to work.”

Magnus took two steps towards the door, he saw everyone's eyes and suddenly knew why they were there: to take care of him.

“No way.” Clary said. “You have to eat.”

“But you said that I'm late...”

“I lied.” Clary said quickly, pulling her brother by the hand and setting him down. "You're going to eat it all."

Clary put a thousand things on Magnus's plate, only healthy. Fruits, carbohydrates and proteins. He rolled his eyes with a small smile.


	2. Find You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is still suffering *sigh*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is my first fanfiction in English. I'm very sorry if there's a lot of typos, this is not my first language so I'm really sorry. I hope you guys are enjoying!! If you wanna talk to me, you can find me at twitter ( @pynchmalecx) so... Let's go to the chapter
> 
>  
> 
> PS: there are some characters from the books, they're not really important but it's the one's I like, I don't like Cassandra but there are some characters of her that fascinate me, like Kit and Ty, so, if you don't like them, please ignore.

 

**_10 YEARS AGO_ **

 

“You are stalking me?” The boy said, staring at Magnus, and he simply smiled, lightly swinging his fingers at _the_ sound of the song and holding his glass of vodka between his fingers.

“Look at me!” Magnus said with a smile. He felt his body burn when Alec actually did that, the boy's eyes staring up and down at him, a look so intense that Magnus's legs trembled. "Don't you think I look like a person who really enjoys a party?"

"Well, your rings and necklaces is a little too much.” Alec said, strangely, Magnus laughed out loud.

“Well, too much is my middle name.” Magnus said, his voice calm and cheerful.

Alec smiled small, Magnus was being kind. He was gentle and attractive, Alec had no reason not to be gentle back.

"But you...” Magnus spoke again. "You do not look like a party person."

Alec smiled, Magnus felt his body burn and he was sure his heart was racing.

"My sister dragged me here.” here said, he grimaced at the music.

"Don't you like the music?" Magnus asked with a sip of his drink, Alec shook his head.

“That's not it. I just don't like the noise.” He said loudly and Magnus shook his head in agreement.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Magnus said. Alec raised a confused eyebrow. He saw a redheaded girl staring at him and felt uncomfortable.

“Sure.” Alec said. Magnus smiled and released his drink.

The two of them left, side by side and in silence. Magnus could hear Alec take a deep breath as they left the building and all they heard were distant noises from the sirens and voices of people who were far from them.

"You look relieved.” Magnus said.

“I am”. Alec replied, his eyes looking around him. “I really am.”

“And I'm hungry.” Magnus said. It was a lie, he was not hungry, but the idea of taking Alec to dinner was very attractive. "Do you want to go get something to eat? With me?"

Magnus felt his whole body get nervous waiting for the answer. Alec thought and stared at Magnus, he smiled shyly.

“Let's go.” Alec said and Magnus smiled. He walked side by side with Alec, the two had small discussions of which restaurant they would enter and in the end went to one that was called Hunter's Moon.

"I knew I'd like it here." Alec said looking at the place. It was calm, Magnus understood.

“I liked it too.” Magnus said. The two walked to a table and Magnus pulled the chair to Alec, he looked surprised but smiled shyly and sat down. The two made their requests and were silent for some time.

“Tell me about yourself.” Magnus asked. Alec raised a confused eyebrow.

"I do not know what to say about me ..." Alec began. Magnus smiled sympathetically.

"Well, start talking to me about ... I don't know, your relationship with your siblings?" Alec smiled, it was a huge, sincere smile, and Magnus knew at that moment that he wanted to see that smile many more times. Without even realizing it, Magnus was also smiling.

 

_**NOW** _

 

__

"Good morning, Mr. Bane.” Kit said, he worked for Magnus. He had a degree in psychology and had hired two people, Kit Herondale and Ty Blackthorn, both of whom helped him with various roles, since after the whole thing with Alec, he was not being able to do all of it alone.

"Hello Kit," Magnus replied. Magnus with 25, tried to be as adult as he could, he did not like to say good morning back because he knew it would never really be a good day for him. He did not have a good day in a long time.

5 years ago Magnus' life was completely perfect. He could not ask for more. He had a wonderful sister, was going to college, bought his own apartment ... And he was engaged. Magnus had met Alexander when he was only 15 years old. The moment Magnus saw him, trying to hold his books and with a fake arrogance in his voice, he knew he wanted to meet him no matter what. Magnus spent more time beside Alec and realized that he was not at all arrogant. His family did not know he was gay, and that left the boy with a heavy weight on his shoulders. Magnus and Alec had an instant chemistry. The two of them did not manage to spend a day without seeing each other since they first met. A week after meetings and smiles, Magnus had the guts and kissed Alec. He was not even sure if Alec felt the same way about him, but he never wanted to kiss a person so much. Alec responded the same way as he did, Magnus felt his whole body ignite.

Magnus never left Alec again. They saw each other every day, all the time. Magnus asked Alec to be his boyfriend two weeks later, at Alec's own house, in his garden while they sat on a swing and talked quietly. Alec said yes and kissed him as if his life depended on it. It was there that Alec's parents discovered that he was gay, hey had seen them kiss. Contrary to what Alec thought, his parents accepted his homosexuality without any problem.

Everything was even more perfect after that. Magnus dined at Alec's house, went out with his in-laws, he was happier than ever. He had won a second family. For 3 years Magnus was happy just dating Alec, but when they completed 4 years of dating Magnus knew he wanted more. They were only 19 years old, they were young and had their whole lives ahead of them. Magnus threw the fear aside and asked Alec to marry him and he said yes quite cheerfully. Magnus and Alec spent a few months deciding the place of the wedding, decoration and everything they needed, they were already living together for two years, they did not have to worry about where to live. Alec and Magnus were coming out of a suits shop when it happened.

Magnus let Alec go in the front, put on the suits in the car while he finished paying for it and bought a chain for Alec, it would be a surprise. Magnus heard Alec scream for him and ran out of the store in time to see Alec being carried into a black van. Magnus got in his car and tried to follow the van but lost it when they were in traffic.

Everything had turned to hell from that day. The searches did not return with any news, the detectives found nothing. Until today they could not find it. It had all happened 5 years ago and Magnus felt like it was yesterday. He did not know how he kept struggling every day to get out of bed knowing that Alec would not be present in his day. Magnus had pictures of the two scattered around the house, had the wedding rings on the desk next to his bed, he had the suits they had bought in his wardrobe. He had Alec's old sweats, they still had their scent. Magnus had all the gifts he'd gotten from Alec. He had all the postcards, he had Alec's papers. He still had everything, but there was no Alec. That was what hurt the most.

Magnus would never give up finding Alexander. He worked the entire month to pay his private detective to keep looking. He had a picture in his house with all the information he had gotten, he had documents, videos and photos. He investigated every night trying to find something, some pattern or something he had not noticed. Magnus would never stop looking for Alec. He would find Alexander even if that is the last thing he does.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... WHAT HAPPENED TO ALEC!!! I remember when I posted this fic in my first language and people was going NUTS about it! I hope this have the same result!!


	3. blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has a friend who gets him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally love this chapter...

 

 

_**7 years ago** _

 

  
"Magnuuuus ..." Alec said as he tried in vain to get out of Magnus's arms. "We have to go to college, Magnus!"

"Hmmm ..." Magnus said. He pulled Alec even harder around the waist. The two of them lay on the bed. Everything Alec wore was a Magnus shirt that made him extremely handsome. "I really do not want to get out of here.”

Alec chuckled, then sighed and relaxed in Magnus's arms. He lifted his hand and passed Magnus's face, stroking his skin. Magnus smiled and Alec ran his thumb tenderly over Magnus's lips, watching him gasp.

"Do you have any idea of how perfect you are?" Alec asked, Magnus smiled.

"You're perfect." He answered, his eyes locked on Alexander's blue irises. “And mine”

Alec chuckled. Magnus could not think of a sound that made him more cheerful. Magnus loved Alec with all his soul. He felt he could die if he ever missed him. Alec had always been Magnus' safe spot, Alec was the certain that even if things went wrong, Magnus still had a reason to smile. Alec was the certain that nothing in the world could make Magnus sad. Alec was the certainty of Magnus's love, it was the certainty of hope.

Magnus took care of Alec much more than he cared for himself. He was selfish with Alec, he wanted Alec just for him. No distractions, no one disturbing them. That was why he did not want to get out of bed, they were just the two, just their love with no one to judge or disrupt them.

“I'm completely yours.” Alec replied smiling, Magnus felt his heart burn. It did not matter how many times Alec said he loved him or was his or that he was not going to leave him, every time was new. Every time he left Magnus without words and with his soul burning with love for him. Magnus had only one weakness and it was Alec, but at the same time Alec was his source of strength, love and integrity. Alec was the best part of Magnus, his other half.

"I'd appreciate if you kissed me now." Alec said in a whisper. Magnus felt the butterflies in his stomach dance just listening to Alec's calm tone, as they always did. He felt her heart racing, something loved, always with Alec.

Magnus smiled, completely happy. Vibrating in color while everyone outside was in black and white, while everyone slept, fought, killed or even loved, everything was separated there. Alec and Magnus separated from the rest of the world. The two in their own world.

Magnus's hands tightened around Alec's waist, sliding beneath his shirt and trailing his fingers through his warm skin, his lips touched Alec's, and fireworks exploded in Magnus's mind and heart.

Alec opened his mouth to deepen the kiss and Magnus gave himself completely to him. Their tongues intertwined as if they had been made for each other. Their hearts beat at the same pace and Magnus could not think of anything as he felt Alec's taste in his mouth. Alec now, just Alec. Alec's fingers went to Magnus's hair making him crazy and making him lose whatever control he had over the situation. Alec owned Magnus and he would give his life for him. Magnus pulled Alec even closer, feeling his body glued to his and his hair tugged even harder. Magnus took Alec's shirt off, leaving his skin completely exposed and his hot chest touching Magnus's, making his whole body react positively to the hot heat emanating from the other. Magnus slid his hand from Alec's waist and led them to his ass, where he gripped it tightly while his tongue touched Alec's in a completely maddening pace, Alec moaned low against Magnus's lips as he felt the firm hand on his ass.

Magnus felt his whole world being torn from him when Alec walked away from him, a wicked smile on his lips. Magnus looked at him with a raised eyebrow and not at all pleased that he had walked away.

“We have to go to college.” Alec said. “Gee, I just asked for a kiss and look where we got.”

Magnus laughed maliciously.

"That's what happens when two people love each other and can't resist each other.” Magnus said and Alec smiled gently.

"Well, I really do love you and I really can't resist you either” Magnus smiled, pulling Alec back into a kiss. Alec gave himself to him again, breaking away from him shortly afterwards again.

“Baaaaaby ... we have to go to college!” Alec said. "We can't stay in bed..."

Magnus rolled his eyes and sighed sadly as Alec rose from the bed.

"But ..." Alec spoke again. “I can give you something ... In the shower.”

Alec smirked and Magnus jumped out of bed. Alec laughed out loud at his reaction. Magnus ran to Alec and picked him up on his lap, listening to him laughing loudly and joining him in laughter. Magnus led Alec into the bathroom, still on his lap and feeling Alec spread passionate kisses all over his face as the two still laughed.

Alec smirked and Magnus jumped out of bed. Alec laughed out loud at his reaction. Magnus ran to Alec and picked him up on his lap, listening to him laughing loudly and joining him in laughter. Magnus led Alec into the bathroom, still on his lap and feeling Alec spread passionate kisses all over his face as the two still laughed.

 

_**Now** _

 

"How are you feeling today, Blue?" Magnus said with a fake smile as he sat in his chair and saw Ty's notes about Blue.

Blue was the youngest patient of Magnus, she was a teenager and had lost her boyfriend, he had died 6 months ago and after that the girl went into total depression. Magnus thought she was joking when he saw her name was Blue, but that really was her name. It was cute, in Magnus's opinion, it would be even nicer if she were gentle.

"The way I felt the last time you asked that." She said sarcastically. “Still suffering from Gansey's death and still avoiding Adam and Ronan.”

"Blue, you can't avoid your friends forever.” Magnus said, she rolled her eyes and threw herself into the chair, almost lying on it.

"Well, I don't avoid Noah ..." She said, Magnus shook his head in agreement. Noah was usually the only friend she would not let go.

“I understand.” Magnus said. He really understood, in fact, he knew that no matter what he said to her, it would not be possible to make the pain go away. Losing the person you loved the most didn't have a solution, there was no magic remedy that could make the pain stop. Nothing could make the pain stop.

“You do?” Blue asked raising her eyes to look at him and letting her hair swing over her shoulders. The girl's dark skin almost all concealed by several coats.

"Well, I lost someone, too.” Magnus said, he felt he had no problem talking to the girl. Blue was at the same situation as him she was worse. Magnus knew Alec was alive. Magnus felt that even if a part of him was taken from him, he could still put it back. Alec was alive, Magnus was sure. But that only made the pain worse. Not knowing where he was, how he was, if he was hurt, if he was suffering, if he thought of him as much as Magnus thought of Alec. If he remembered everything. It was the worst pain Magnus could imagine.

“She died?” Blue asked, as she looked into Magnus's eyes he could see how her eyes were red. She had cried, of course. Blue did not even have a gleam in his eyes, and Magnus could see in her eyes the same thing he saw when he looked in the mirror. Anything.

“Well, _he_ was kidnapped.” Magnus said, Blue stared at him, asking him to continue. "We were engaged, we had all the wedding planned and only two weeks before ... they took him from me”

"And ... was he found?" Blue asked, Magnus started to feel tears fall from his eyes and he barely managed to control his sobs. He shook his head and Blue looked at him with a look of pity. "Well, at least he's not dead, like ... like Gansey.

"Yeah, I don't know if that makes it any better. He may be suffering so much now ... " Magnus said, he controlled his crying and drank water as he took a deep breath. He would have to be strong, when Alec returned he would need a strong Magnus, and Magnus knew he would return. He couldn't give up. He would never give up on Alec, his happiness.

“ He can” She said. "But I see you love him, and when you find him, you'll know how to take care of him."

“I hope it is true.” Magnus said. He dididn want to keep talking about Alec. That made him extremely sad. "Now let's talk about why you're avoiding Adam and Ronan.”

“ Isn't it ovious?” She asked, Magnus stared at her in confusion. It was not obvious. “I feel guilty. I should have gone with him to that event. If I had been there he would not have drink, would not have suffered an accident and been thrown out of the car. He would not have been out on the street for hours like an animal. He is not an animal he was... everything to me. Now I can't face Adam and Ronan because I also know he was everything to them as well. Besides, I see Adam and Ronan so in love ... one taking care of the other and I'm jealous. I'll never have that again.” She said, speaking too fast and crying right away.

"You can still love, Blue.” Magnus said quietly.

"No ... not like I loved him. No one will be him. He was my true love and I killed him.”

“Blue you are not guilty...” Magnus began to speak but he can not continue, his alarm clock touched saying that was the end of their session and Blue took a deep breath. Seconds later she ran out of Magnus's office.

Magnus sighed low. He did not know how to help Blue. She could not blame herself, and yet Magnus understood. He also blamed himself for Alec. If he had not left him alone ... Then Magnus realized that he did not know what to do with Blue because he also did not know what to do with himself. The two were in a familiar situation and Magnus was not sure if he could change how she felt. However, he could at least try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone protect Magnus please


End file.
